Question:

How can I ‘practice’ my Tinder/texting game?

I recently broke up with my girlfriend after 9 years. I’m ready to get back out there and made a Tinder, but I’m not really sure how to use it. I know it’s mainly a hookup app, and I’m not looking for something serious right now. I’ve matched with 2 girls, but both of them ghosted within minutes of texting, and I can’t help but think that there’s something wrong with the way I’m texting them. Since I was in a relationship for 9 years, I think I missed the whole online dating bandwagon, and I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with the way I’m texting. I’m attaching some screenshots of my messages. Is it me, or could it just be that I was one of many matches for the girls and they just moved on? Obviously, girls get way more matches than guys, so maybe they just moved on, and I’m overthinking it. Anyway, go through the screenshots and let me know what you think of my texting game.

Let’s start with the basics—you can’t tell someone you love them in the fourth message and expect it to go well. Telling a girl she’s hot in the first message? Also not ideal. You’ve seen what happens—those messages are conversation dead-ends, and worse, they come off as creepy.

The key to a good start is always a question, something engaging that sparks curiosity and can lead to an interesting back-and-forth. First impressions count, and in texting, the first few lines determine whether you’re going to have a conversation or get ghosted.

For example, try something like:

“Girls who own cats are either one of two: highly sensitive and caring, or completely crazy. Which one are you?”

This playful approach immediately sets up a conversation about her personality, whether it’s her sensitivities or her “craziness,” and gives her a reason to respond. Keep the questions going, and each time go a bit deeper. You want her to feel like she’s never had this kind of conversation before—sounds difficult, but it’s not. There’s an endless list of things you can ask about—just steer clear of the generic stuff.

Now, about that second conversation. Starting with “you from here?” is in the Top 10 Most Boring Questions list—avoid it. If you begin with something boring, she’ll assume you’re boring. So she says museums are a good spot for a date? That’s unique, definitely worth teasing a bit. You could respond with:

“Interesting choice... Is that because you’ve had great museum dates before, or because you’re hinting at one now?”

This puts her on the spot (which helps build tension) and leads the conversation in a more engaging, flirty direction. It’s all about setting up a dynamic, unique conversation that doesn’t feel like she’s had it a thousand times before.

Focus on making your texts fun, curious, and inviting, and avoid the overused lines. With some practice, you’ll start to see a difference in how the conversations flow. Good luck!